$400 / 2br - Specific non-negotiable conditions (Mesa)

Please read and pay attention to the entire post.
I do not need a roommate, however under the right conditions there may be advantages for all involved.
You need to be receiving Social Security (this will put you in my age group and ensure that your share of rent gets paid).
You will eventually need to get on the lease as a SECONDARY.
You need to have health care (I have the VA) as this will eliminate complications.
NO smoking or vaping and I am NOT 420 friendly (no exceptions).
I have zero family drama and do not want you to drag yours into my home.
You need to be clean and know how to use your words.
If you believe that the earth is hollow or flat, if you believe that the baby Jesus is going to solve all of your life's problems, that Trump won, or if you indulge in other forms of magical thinking do not bother responding.
My goal is to try and develop something of an ever so platonic mutual aid partnership.
I am not concerned with your gender or race, if it matters to you I am white/male.
If interested then send me a few well chosen words to get the dance started.
Oh, IAM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR RUBY RED KISSES so if you are one of those do not bother,